thoughts for today

Psalm 31:14-24 from The Message...

14-18 Desperate, I throw myself on you: you are my God!
Hour by hour I place my days in your hand,
safe from the hands out to get me.
Warm me, your servant, with a smile;
save me because you love me.
Don't embarrass me by not showing up;
I've given you plenty of notice.
Embarrass the wicked, stand them up,
leave them stupidly shaking their heads
as they drift down to hell.
Gag those loudmouthed liars
who heckle me, your follower,
with jeers and catcalls.

19-22 What a stack of blessing you have piled up
for those who worship you,
Ready and waiting for all who run to you
to escape an unkind world.
You hide them safely away from the opposition.
As you slam the door on those oily, mocking faces,
you silence the poisonous gossip.
Blessed God! His love is the wonder of the world.
Trapped by a siege, I panicked.
"Out of sight, out of mind," I said.
But you heard me say it,
you heard and listened.

23 Love God, all you saints;
God takes care of all who stay close to him,
But he pays back in full
those arrogant enough to go it alone.

24 Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up.
Expect God to get here soon.

Expect God. What are my expectations of God?

The expectation that God will do something is different than asking Him. When someone has shown you they will do something, regularly and on-time, you come to expect that of them. You trust that they will do as they always have done. You expect it. You don't need to ask because you trust that thing is already completed or in the works of completion.

There's so much that I desire right now that I can't accomplish on my own. To grow closer with God and to Ben (and deepening our spiritual relationship with one another), to find a church where Ben, Gabe, and I can grow, to get a new job so I can experience the special, mundane everyday with my precious baby, to be a better person.

But I can't do all those things by myself... and even if I did, how good would it be if God wasn't in it? I could try to go it alone, but I don't want to. I'm sick of trying to make things happen on my own. I'm spiritually tired of trying to sustain myself.

Drawing on my recent experience of becoming a mother, I'm able to see some interesting parallels. Just as I was expecting a son and he was given to Ben and I, I'm expecting God to birth something new in my spirit and in my life. I'm expecting it because that's what He's always done. I've asked Him for the aforementioned things, but I expect that He will do what He has done before-- answer in His timing. And whatever happens... my expectation is that His will for me will be perfect.

I just need to be brave and strong and not give up that God will show Himself... and He will show up soon.