Disjointed

It's a contradiction,
an odd feeling, this feeling.
Seeing and knowing her lack of appreciation
of what was taken and
of what he gave.
It breaks my heart
and makes me whole all at once.

I wish I could go back in time
and save him from that February decision.
Talk him out of a mistake
that would have lasting implications.
Why couldn't he see
that one choice could change the course
of his world?

It's a contradiction,
a sad feeling, this feeling.
Looking at me, knowing how much I wish
he could give me
what I want to claim wholly
as my own.
It breaks my heart
and makes me whole all at once.

I wish I could go back in time.
I wish I could save him from himself
and help him see, that at the end of his night
I'll be there.

It's a contradiction,
a feeling, all the same.
Looking back on that October night,
why couldn't I see him?
Why couldn't I see?
Going back and ahead
Forgetting the past, shedding
the dead skin I've accumulated.

But I wish I could go back in time
and give him everything.
I wish I could save myself from me.
I wish, I wish
that wishing would stop breaking my heart.