Progress for the sake of progress is ever a good thing.
For the first time in a long time, I'm actually glad I'm working so much at Target. It helps keep my mind off things. You know... I'm a very perceptive person. It's really easy for me to look at someone in a certain situation and analyze why they did the things they did. Why they made the decisions they made. But, in my case. It's not so easy. I look at my choices and what I see is a bunch of nonsense.
I'm sad, mostly, because I feel so far away from You. I hate it. I feel like every time I try to talk to You, my numerous mistakes come back and slap me in the face... and I can't confront them. I feel like I've failed You. I tried to do something I felt You lead me to do and it didn't happen. Just when everything was starting to look up. I know You've forgiven him and I know You've forgiven me for all of my mistakes, but it's so hard for me to forget. So hard.
Maybe that's why I'm so confused. I thought for sure this was something that was going to happen, but then it didn't... I'm not sure if it would have in the first place. I know I promised I'd trust You, and I do, with all my heart. I just get discouraged sometimes. What's hardest is the person I want to tell the most doesn't even care to listen. Doesn't even care about me anymore. And while I wish I could simply stop caring, I can't. I just wish Your answers were more clear sometimes.
I think I need to go shopping. Shopping always makes me feel slightly better.
For the first time in a long time, I'm actually glad I'm working so much at Target. It helps keep my mind off things. You know... I'm a very perceptive person. It's really easy for me to look at someone in a certain situation and analyze why they did the things they did. Why they made the decisions they made. But, in my case. It's not so easy. I look at my choices and what I see is a bunch of nonsense.
I'm sad, mostly, because I feel so far away from You. I hate it. I feel like every time I try to talk to You, my numerous mistakes come back and slap me in the face... and I can't confront them. I feel like I've failed You. I tried to do something I felt You lead me to do and it didn't happen. Just when everything was starting to look up. I know You've forgiven him and I know You've forgiven me for all of my mistakes, but it's so hard for me to forget. So hard.
Maybe that's why I'm so confused. I thought for sure this was something that was going to happen, but then it didn't... I'm not sure if it would have in the first place. I know I promised I'd trust You, and I do, with all my heart. I just get discouraged sometimes. What's hardest is the person I want to tell the most doesn't even care to listen. Doesn't even care about me anymore. And while I wish I could simply stop caring, I can't. I just wish Your answers were more clear sometimes.
I think I need to go shopping. Shopping always makes me feel slightly better.
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