It's been a while, eh?... Well, let's see. I'm not quite so lethargic now. Although at the moment I'm feeling terribly unproductive, I know it's not entirely true. I think a lot of what these random poetic, jumbled blogs, songs, etc... have been leading up to something.
The other night I realized a fact I've been avoiding like the plague. Even right now I'm frightened to actually type it, to acknowledge it, because I know how true it is. I'm at a turning point in my life, my fork in the road. And here's what I realized:
I need to move on.
You know for someone who has been clinging to something for so long with almost no reason behind it, this seems an odd statement. I guess you can chalk this up to my infinite amount of hope for people. My firm belief that bad situations always cultivate some sort of good. I haven't lost that, but at the same time, I know when I've been proven wrong... And I'm sure I've said it before, however, I've never meant it so much.
I say this with no malice, with no ill will. I just made a promise to myself eight months ago that I have to keep. I need to do this for myself. I can't keep doing this. This toxic, agonizing, unrequited, limbo thing that I've been doing. I just can't anymore. It hurts far too much and I've waited long enough.
I used to think there were reasons why you did the things you've done... Hidden motives and secret intentions. But now I see there's not and I'm not sure if there ever really were. I apologize for any pain I've caused you, any situation that made you feel uncomfortable. All out of good intentions, I assure you. However, I don't think I'll ever stop praying for you... Or believing in you.
I just have to do things for myself.
Turning point. You can start now... I think I'm finally ready.
The other night I realized a fact I've been avoiding like the plague. Even right now I'm frightened to actually type it, to acknowledge it, because I know how true it is. I'm at a turning point in my life, my fork in the road. And here's what I realized:
I need to move on.
You know for someone who has been clinging to something for so long with almost no reason behind it, this seems an odd statement. I guess you can chalk this up to my infinite amount of hope for people. My firm belief that bad situations always cultivate some sort of good. I haven't lost that, but at the same time, I know when I've been proven wrong... And I'm sure I've said it before, however, I've never meant it so much.
I say this with no malice, with no ill will. I just made a promise to myself eight months ago that I have to keep. I need to do this for myself. I can't keep doing this. This toxic, agonizing, unrequited, limbo thing that I've been doing. I just can't anymore. It hurts far too much and I've waited long enough.
I used to think there were reasons why you did the things you've done... Hidden motives and secret intentions. But now I see there's not and I'm not sure if there ever really were. I apologize for any pain I've caused you, any situation that made you feel uncomfortable. All out of good intentions, I assure you. However, I don't think I'll ever stop praying for you... Or believing in you.
I just have to do things for myself.
Turning point. You can start now... I think I'm finally ready.
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