I suppose I should write, but I'm sort of devoid of emotion currently. You know, I know that things aren't always as bad as they seem, but sometimes... Those small things just seem so terribly bad.
I need a new story. A new song.
Because this one that seems to be on repeat is getting old.
I just want to get beyond this place that I'm in... Wherever "this place" is, exactly. And I don't know what the "beyond" looks like. What it is, when it's coming. But when it does come, I assure you, I'll be more than ready for it and deserving of it.
I keep trying to believe for something more than just "different." Because, really, "different" only takes you so far from what you used to have. I need "better" and I need it right now. I promised myself that I'm never going to settle again, but sometimes I worry that I'll look back and see that I missed out on something wonderful because I was too scared to act like I cared.
I know that Your plan for me is complete, and I appreciate that, but recently I'm having so much trouble. I don't doubt You, but help me. I'm not perfect. I'm a mess. But You already know that, right? Heh.
I don't even know why I'm posting now. I'm not writing this for pity or advice or to seem overly melodramatic. I guess, I just need my place. Somewhere where I can say everything, but nothing at the same time. Or maybe the idea that some stranger may come along, read and relate to this and maybe feel not quite so alone validates me. Or maybe it's because I don't have anything better to do except for sleep. Or all of the above.
Definitely all of the above.
I need a new story. A new song.
Because this one that seems to be on repeat is getting old.
I just want to get beyond this place that I'm in... Wherever "this place" is, exactly. And I don't know what the "beyond" looks like. What it is, when it's coming. But when it does come, I assure you, I'll be more than ready for it and deserving of it.
I keep trying to believe for something more than just "different." Because, really, "different" only takes you so far from what you used to have. I need "better" and I need it right now. I promised myself that I'm never going to settle again, but sometimes I worry that I'll look back and see that I missed out on something wonderful because I was too scared to act like I cared.
I know that Your plan for me is complete, and I appreciate that, but recently I'm having so much trouble. I don't doubt You, but help me. I'm not perfect. I'm a mess. But You already know that, right? Heh.
I don't even know why I'm posting now. I'm not writing this for pity or advice or to seem overly melodramatic. I guess, I just need my place. Somewhere where I can say everything, but nothing at the same time. Or maybe the idea that some stranger may come along, read and relate to this and maybe feel not quite so alone validates me. Or maybe it's because I don't have anything better to do except for sleep. Or all of the above.
Definitely all of the above.
"You don't know me,
And you don't even care,"
She said,
"You don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains."
She said, "I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.
I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice."
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