I'm feeling slightly transcendental today, so, please, bear with me.
Today, in the brief minutes I have to run from ITE on one side of campus to Spanish 101, I thought of something slightly profound.
I am so much more than all this.
What happened to commence this startling idea was a simple memory. A Christmas parade I went to when I was seven. This, to an outsider, may seem an insignificant and even ridiculous, detail but I remembered...
I remembered me, thirteen years ago, looking at my mom and dad, smiling, and thinking about how beautiful Christmas was and how happy I was just to be there, to be here.
If I was like that before, why not now?... Why do I dwell on defeat? Why do I desire the one thing that is not right for me at the present time? And most importantly, why must I live in the past when I have so much ahead of me?
The answer I figured was not complicated at all. It's incredibly, astoundingly simple.
And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I don't have to.
I don't have to let this define me. And I refuse to allow it anymore.
This whole ordeal, if anything, has only taught me to be self-reliant and while I've grown in this area, I haven't really explored this option to my fullest oppertunity. I've been too scared that I'll fail, that I'll finally grasp something real only to have it ripped away.
But no more.
As for you, I'm not going to let you dictate my actions or emotions. It's not your fault, per say because I was letting you, but I can't do this. It's too hard. And with the person I know at the moment, I do, honestly, deserve better.
So, on this wonderful December day, I say all this to take a sigh of relief and exclaim:
"Hello, Bethany Noel, and welcome to the first day of your new life!"
My life not as a girlfriend, not as a hottie, not as any superflous title.
Just me.
And this, my friends, is a wonderful revelation.
Today, in the brief minutes I have to run from ITE on one side of campus to Spanish 101, I thought of something slightly profound.
I am so much more than all this.
What happened to commence this startling idea was a simple memory. A Christmas parade I went to when I was seven. This, to an outsider, may seem an insignificant and even ridiculous, detail but I remembered...
I remembered me, thirteen years ago, looking at my mom and dad, smiling, and thinking about how beautiful Christmas was and how happy I was just to be there, to be here.
If I was like that before, why not now?... Why do I dwell on defeat? Why do I desire the one thing that is not right for me at the present time? And most importantly, why must I live in the past when I have so much ahead of me?
The answer I figured was not complicated at all. It's incredibly, astoundingly simple.
And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I don't have to.
I don't have to let this define me. And I refuse to allow it anymore.
This whole ordeal, if anything, has only taught me to be self-reliant and while I've grown in this area, I haven't really explored this option to my fullest oppertunity. I've been too scared that I'll fail, that I'll finally grasp something real only to have it ripped away.
But no more.
As for you, I'm not going to let you dictate my actions or emotions. It's not your fault, per say because I was letting you, but I can't do this. It's too hard. And with the person I know at the moment, I do, honestly, deserve better.
So, on this wonderful December day, I say all this to take a sigh of relief and exclaim:
"Hello, Bethany Noel, and welcome to the first day of your new life!"
My life not as a girlfriend, not as a hottie, not as any superflous title.
Just me.
And this, my friends, is a wonderful revelation.
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