Geeeeeeez

I think that I made a mistake. I did something I promised I wouldn't do. I made myself vulnerable yet again. I didn't expect anything, I suppose. Other than showing some sort of character. Maybe I gave you too much credit, maybe I still just had too much faith in you.
I sincerely want you prove me wrong. Please, prove me wrong.
Because I can't do this again.

I know whatever is going to happen, will. I pray every single day that God's will is going to be done. But today, in service, Uncle Ray said something that stuck out to me," Sometimes God has to destroy something completely before He can put it back together."

I'm not saying that's about you and I, necessarily, but it does apply to me. I feel like I've been broken a million times over and every single time I'm at my weakest, I know who I can turn to. My faith has grown, my trust has grown, and I know things are going to be alright.
And that is an amazing feeling.

I don't know what's in store for me, but I know the things God has promised me.
I'm not going to stop praying for you.
Never.

Ugh.

I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry.

Well, obviously, I don't know what I mean.
Memo to self:
Self, you need to be far, far more careful.

Very much

I have to
go backwards.
I must slow down.
My mind is reeling
the feeling
won't go away.

Words pour easily and
the feeling
the feeling is hot, burning
complicated and sweet.

I just wish
I could wish away.
Stop thinking something I cannot.

A first and a second and a third

I am so blessed.

I never thought that this would happen. I never even dreamed it. But it has, and where there used to be sadness, now there's only joy. This isn't better than I deserve, just better than I ever thought it could be.

Oh, music, why do you do this to me?

Nightingale, sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale, tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?

Does it seem like I'm looking for an answer
to a question I can't ask?
I don't know which way the feather falls
Or if I should blow to the left

All the voices that are spinnin' around me
Trying to tell me what to say
Can I fly right behind you
and you can take me away?

Amusement

Roller coaster,
Pull over.
I want to get off this ride.

I've been on for far too long.

It hurts too much
these ups and downs
Spinning me sideways
before I can find my head.

And I'm just so tired
of the same feelings
that burn like fresh wounds
Every. single. time.

I'm stuck going this one alone.

Roller coaster,
Stop.
There's another one calling my name.

...But, you just keep speeding along.

My Friday Afternoon

It's Life is Beautiful
Surprise disappointments and secret places
Long talks that make you
not want to stop talking
Butterfly knives and belting ballads
It's foggy windows in
empty parking lots
for innocent reasons.

And I'm high
off coffee and car wrecks.
confessions and the concept of being
honored. and truly seen.
Of being pursued
when I was off-guard
has seemingly captured me in a way
I can't articulate.

Is this really happening?
My heart is echoing your "someday" song.

Unseen windows are unfolding wide
where doors once stood.
I could be amazed
if my heart wasn't torn.

Bad timing messes up our rhyme, but I know
you're waiting there
Between my jumbled lines.