Pondering

I know that I have a plan for my life. I know that you're a part of it. I know what God wants me to be, what He expects out of me.

I just have to remember that when I feel like I'm going in a hundred different directions at once.

Returning thoughts

A few things that I've learned today

• Our dog, Sadie, is going to have puppies.
• I could never have a long distance relationship.
• Coming back home isn't as terrible as I suspected it would be.
• I really do want to move away.
• I really do want to move away somewhere near the beach.

Christiansburg seems too small to contain my hopes, my dreams, myself. I guess I've never realized just how small this town is before this year. I feel stifled. Going on vacation hasn't had an affect on me before now, I suppose, because I haven't been as close to becoming independent and wanting independence as much as I do right now. I want more than what's here. I want more.

Most important thing I've learned:

• I deserve more.

Overdue

Someone I love is hurting. And it's partly because of me. This situation is just all around bad, but I can't help but think that maybe it would've been better had I not said anything or had it not been me that he chose.

The reprocussions of my confesstions led to tears, hurt, embarassment... and I feel terrible because something that should come so simply, acceptance and respect, is so hard-earned. I'm not a bad person and neither is she, by any means.
I just wish that it wasn't so hard on him.

I wish that he didn't feel responsible or that he let me down, like I know he does. I wish that I could make things automatically better. I wish, with all my heart, that he wouldn't hurt anymore. Because when he hurts, I hurt for him.

I know it'll get better. It has to. The only question now is the inevitable "How long?"

How long before it goes up in smoke?.... How long before she accepts me?