So much has happened in the past year.
We bought a house, we moved, floundered with our money for a while, Ben applied and went through the application process with the FBI, another puppy was added to our family, I discovered my love of home decorating, my colorguard girls had an amazing season, and anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas passed... And now we're rapidly approaching a new year.
And the best part of this year is that I can look back it and see God's faithfulness. Which is completely unmerited... because, by all accounts, I haven't been as faithful back. Some days pass and God doesn't cross my mind as much as He should. It's ridiculous-- and it has to stop.
I've been having lots of anxiety and have been worried about changes that are on the horizon. Unlike last year where we basically got blindsighted by change, this year we can see a hazy picture of what might happen. And it's the waiting that kills me. Whether or not Ben will get the job with the FBI, whether or not I'll get pregnant this month-- or next month. Or however long God wants us to wait. And then I remember just that. It's God's timing. Not my timing. What I truly think it is, is simply that I'm so excited about the prospect of moving-- having a new life in a different place-- and being a mother-- of holding mine and Ben's child in my arms, seeing the gift of God's love to us in reality-- that I worry they won't happen. Fear and worry go hand in hand and neither are of God.
This passage from Proverbs is what's been anchoring me... Whenever I feel fear creep it's way into my spirit I quote Proverbs 3: 5-6:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight."
Submission is hard, but it's what God requires of me. So that's what I'm going to do. In this upcoming year, with all it's changes and challenges, my prayer will remain the same:
God, forgive me for not seeing You in the everyday. In the little things, that we so often gloss over. Forgive me for not being a better friend and follower to You. I know that you see my heart and I want You to clear out all the junk and restore Your joy in my life. I want to be emptied out so You can fill me again. Fill me with Your spirit, Your love, and Your power. Fill me so I can help lead others to You. Amen.
Here goes nothing... Coming at ya, 2011!
