The Wake-Up Call I Needed

Last night I had a dream... or something like a dream. And in that very vivid dream-- which for the life of me I can't remember the details of-- I know that God spoke to me through a simple sentence.

"Store up your treasures in heaven."

That was my first thought when I woke up this morning... and a refrain that has followed me throughout the day today. Something I've been ignoring because, quite frankly, I didn't want to be introspective today. I've heard that verse so many times I know it by heart, so I just brushed it aside, even though it kept creeping into my mind all day...

I love the Holy Spirit and how He'll just very gently pluck at your heart strings until you listen. I finally decided to do a search on the verse and read it:

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
-Matthew 6: 20-22-

After reading it-- the meaning smacked me like a ton of bricks. I need to store up my treasure in heaven.

Ever since I left VRC I haven't been involved in investing in the "eternal side" of things. Actually I've been avoiding getting involved in church, period, like the plague. I know that God has given me gifts... When I put effort into things I can be a great speaker, teacher, writer, actress, and an alright singer. But none of those gifts have been used for almost a year... and I think God's trying to tell me something I don't really want to hear:

That I've been a really selfish person.

This past year I've focused on nothing but getting/keeping a new job, being married, buying a house, and, last on the list, trying to find a new church. I haven't been focused on anything eternal, merely temporal.

The things I should've been focusing on are things like forgiveness, my relationship with God, my relationship with others, developing the Fruits of the Spirit in my life, winning souls... and I've wasted so much time worrying about superficial things, like money and debt and houses, I've been neglecting what really matters.

In 100 years I'll be dead. And if I spend my remaining time on this earth focusing on a house, it may be nice for a while-- but eventually, it'll just be a pile of rubble. If I invest all my time in getting out of debt, Ben and I will be able to give more eventually, but if we're not tithing in the meantime what makes God think we'll honor Him once we're out of debt?

In contrast, how much more would it mean if I took all the time I invested into thinking about the other things and spent it, instead, on my relationship with God? Or trying to reach someone and let them know that God loves them? How much more would it mean to walk into Heaven's gates and meet someone was able to lead to Christ? I'll tell you -- much more than a silly house ever could. When I pass away, I don't want my heart to be left here, I want it to be with my Father. But in order for that to happen I need to focus more on my Dad and less on the things that are so desperately vying for my attention.

I'm not saying that God doesn't want us not to have nice things or save money, but I do think He expects us to have our priorities in order. And that verse He's been bringing to my heart all day reminded me mine aren't.

Thanks for taking Your time out to be the kick in the butt I needed, Dad.

You perfectly nailed me, Lord. My priorities are way out of whack. I need to focus on the things that matter, Your ways-- not mine. Now, I need You to help me change-- because I can't continue to try and control everything. I'm no good at it. God, I need You to be paramount in my life. Once You are, Father, I know that everything else will fall into place exactly how You wants it to be. Help me to need You in a new way and thank You for showing me that my insignificant life can have more meaning if I focus on the right things. Continue speaking... I'm listening. Amen.

Living in His Love

I need to live in love.

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."
-1 John 4:16-

Growing up in church, I've learned so much about the Bible and about what I should and shouldn't do that sometimes I feel like I get desensitized to God. I take for granted that He's there, that He's listening, and that He cares. I do it more often than I'd even like to admit.

But, today, while I was minding my own business-- not paying a bit of attention-- God stepped in with a single word. Love.

How can I claim to be a Christian, but act like the world? Now, I'm not a "bad' person, by the world's standards. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't cheat, I curse every now and again (much to my chagrin), but that's not what God wants from me. I don't believe that God sits in Heaven with a checklist, giving me gold stars when I exceed His expectations or waiting to sit me in a corner when I disobey. I'm an imperfect person and there's no way I could ever be good enough. Period.

But even though I may not be "that bad," as I so often tell myself, there are still many qualities that I need to work on. I lie... alot. I hold grudges. And I'm not a true example of God's love.

Just because someone hurts me doesn't give me the right to hold that against them. Can you imagine what would happen if God held it against me every time I hurt Him? Pretty scary stuff, right? But, He doesn't. He chooses to love me. He chose to love me even when He was dying for my sin on the cross. He lived what He preached. He lived in love.

So, today, if given the opportunity to talk about someone-- I'm going to choose not to. I'm going to forgive without merit, because that's how I've been forgiven. And I'm going to walk in truth because that's the only example I have from Christ.

I can't walk around acting like everything is okay when there are people desperate to fill empty spaces in their lives with whatever the world offers them. Complacency may be an easy out for me, but God's love is never complacent towards me. It is vibrant and alive. It hurts my heart so much to think back on people in my life and wonder, "what if?" What if I missed my chance to witness to them-- and because of it I'll be held accountable for them. I can't live this way anymore.

I need to start living in love. I truly believe that if I try to emulate Jesus more in my every day life-- instead of getting so caught up in a house or a job that I only talk to Him when I need Him -- that He'll give me more opportunities to be that witness that I've so wasted in the past.

God, I want you to live in me. I want Your love to be evident in my life. I want my life to be a testament to Your love. Please, help me. I can't do this by myself. Amen.